St Peter of Damascus: Yet who am I, who am worse and more obdurate and weaker than them all?
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Lessons by our Holy Fathers
Yet who am I, who am worse and more obdurate and weaker than them all? What shall I call myself?
For Abraham says that he is ‘but dust and ashes’ (Gen. 18:27); David calls himself ‘a dead dog’ (2 Sam. 9:8) and ‘a flea’ (1 Sam. 24:14) in Israel; Solomon calls himself ‘a little child, not knowing left from right’ (cf. 1 Kgs. 3:7); the three holy children say, ‘We have become a shame and a reproach’ (Song of the Three Children, verse 10); Isaiah the prophet says, ‘Woe is me, for I am undone, because I am a man of unclean lips’ (Isa. 6:5); the prophet Habakkuk says, ‘I am a child’ (Jer. 1:6); St Paul calls himself the chief of sinners (cf. 1 Tim. 1:15); and all the rest said that they were nothing.
What then should I do? Where shall I hide myself from my many crimes? What will become of me, who am nothing, worse than nothing? For that which is nothing has not sinned, nor has it received God’s blessings as I have. Alas, how shall I pass the rest of my life? And how shall I escape the snares of the devil?
For the demons are sleepless and immaterial, death is at hand, and I am weak. Lord, help me; do not let Thy creature perish, for Thou carest for me in my misery.
‘Make known to me, Lord, which way I should go; for I lift up my soul to Thee’ (Ps. 143:8). ‘Forsake me not, 0 Lord my God, be not far from me; make haste to help me, 0 Lord of my salvation’(Ps. 38:21-22).
By such words the soul is made contrite, if it has at least some sensibility. By persisting in this way, and growing accustomed to the fear of God, the intellect begins to understand and meditate on the second stage of contemplation.
St Peter of Damascus
Book1 A Treasury of Divine Knowledge
The First Stage of Contemplation
